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I'm Liv


April 26, 2020

To stay sane…

“Well I’m out of my mind now! I’ll be back quite soon one hopes.”

– The Mad Hatter, Alice in Wonderland

I’m not sure if I am staying sane to be completely honest. I’ve taken to cycling through the same 3-4 playlists, drinking a lot of coffee and watching The Office. Again. For the 7th time. I’m having bouts of energy matched with bouts of sadness. I’m cleaning the baseboards in one moment and sitting on the couch watching tik-tok videos for three hours in another… I’m working, I’m moving. I’m sad. I think we are all feeling this way. And this post isn’t going to be a list of things to do instead, but a list of things I’m currently feeling. Maybe later this week we can go through what to do, but not today. Today is to acknowledge and sit in the feelings this entire pandemic is bringing on.

I am grateful beyond measure for a job that I am able to do while fully remote. I miss my co-workers and our in office shenanigans, but I am grateful to still have a job and income.

I am deeply, desperately, sad that we had to postpone our plans to start our family. We had just gotten to the point of dr. appointments and buying a baby daddy (more on that later!). I want to be a mama so badly. My wife wants to be a mama so badly. Having this stall, with all of the uncertainty: it sucks.

I am so grateful for my health and the ways we support our health. I would not be able to function without my products (click here to learn more). Peppermint, Inner Defense, Super C, Ningxia, Diffusing all the livelong day: I’m not sure if I’d be functioning at all without it.

I miss human interaction. I’m such a cuddly, lovey, huggy person. I miss seeing my friends. I miss bumping them and hugging them and be in close proximity to them. It makes me sad that I have no end date on when I will be able to see them again.

I’m so incredibly grateful for the rest time. While I am still highly stressed from this quarantine situation, I’m so grateful for the oppertunity to really spruce up my home, deep clean, relax, focus on myself and my body.

I am grateful for all the good that reduced gasses, less tech, less people are doing for the enviorment.

I am sad and scared for my small business friends and those whose income depend on the hospitality and open door income. I’m looking for ways to help and support but I am nervous for their livelihoods.

I’m grateful for my community of folks who have rallied, reached out and checked in, knowing who I am as a person and how hard this might be for me.

I am grateful for my wife and family, who have been there for me at every turn.

I am grateful and equally sad to know we are all in this together and this is hard and scary and frustrating, but grateful we have each other.

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  1. This was a beautiful list. So heartbreaking at times, but beautiful. I so hope you both get to become mamas soon!!

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